


The Five Attempted Proposals of Julian Bashir

by Sokorra



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-06
Updated: 2014-05-06
Packaged: 2018-01-23 18:16:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1574957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sokorra/pseuds/Sokorra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Julian wants to ask the woman he loves to marry him...its not going well so far.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Five Attempted Proposals of Julian Bashir

The first time Julian Bashir fell in love he had been 7 years old and on a trip with his father to the Starfleet history museum. At that age he had been divided between wanting to be a doctor to find out what all they knew and wanting to be a starfleet pilot and get to pilot the ships across the galaxies.

His father tried to encourage both, believing both fine careers and wanting his son to be happy. so he took him to the museum to showcase what Starfleet had to offer. And that was when he met her.

Met might be the wrong word. The actual her was dead, declared missing in action long ago, but he had stumbled upon the NX-02 exhibit, and onto Erika Hernandez, and fell in love. To him she was beautiful but more then that, she was what girls should be. He decided that he would grow up to be a pilot AND a doctor and find out what happened to her.

His mother found it amusing when he asked her if she would mind if he married Captain Hernandez. She said she would be happy to have such a daughter-in-law. His father on the other hand just smiled and told him he should aim a little lower to perhaps a girl who was still alive and closer to his age.

Even when he was much older, and his crush on Erika had softened to a remembrance he still had a collection of NX-02 memorabilia that he kept with him as he traveled. It finally came out of the box one night when a drunk Miles had stumbled across the box and wondered what he had there.

Miles still wouldn’t give back his mint-condition model of the NX-02. Apparently he was not deserving of such a model if he was only going to let it sit in a box instead of displaying it properly.

But Miles had left behind the portrait of Erika had a seven year old Julian had carefully framed.

\- Attempt #1-

He had a plan. He had gotten time off for both of them, and tickets aboard a travel freighter that would take them to a resort planet. Not exactly Risa, but it was beautiful and they could have a nice vacation alone together.

He had everything packed, including the ring, when an attack on the station happened. For the next five days, he was stuck in the infirmary dealing with casualties. When he finally got back to his room, having spent nights in the infirmary’s on call room, he found his bags still packed on the bed.

The Ring however was missing, and no matter how hard he looked through the apartment he couldn’t find it. It was only after he gave up when he came home after a shift and found it sitting on his coffee table like it had been there the whole time.

\- -

The second time he had fallen in love he had been sixteen. Her name had been Lilah, and she had been tall, with dark hair and dark eyes and her voice made him say things like “her voice sounds like a spring rain” in his notebooks. Older Him wasn't sure what spring rain sounded like in voice form, but apparently teenager him thought she did.

The problem with Lilah wasn’t that she was too old or long dead. The problem was that Lilah didn’t love him back. He learned to accept that, and moved on, but for a few precious months he had been totally wrapped up in her.

He liked the feeling of being in love, even if it usually ended up in pain.

 

-Attempt # 2 -

A few months after the attack on the station, he decided to try again. This time he simply decided dinner was best. He reserved a seat at the restaurant he liked, got some flowers. He even got after dinner wine that Garak had suggested. A spectacular Cardassian blend.

He realised about four hours before they were going to leave that the restaurant he liked happened to be one she particularly didn’t. Klingon food did not agree with her, and it was probably not a good idea taking her to a place where she’d gag all night, even if it rhymed with the food. So instead he ordered food from the replicator in his rooms and they enjoyed a nice meal at home.

And that’s when he found out he was allergic to Cardassia’s fine wines and spent what was left of the night being pumped with antihistamines and oxygen in the infirmary.

The only solace was that she stayed with him and held his hand, making sure he wasn’t alone.

\- - - 

The third time he had fallen in love had been in Paris. He had been a young medical student, only twenty three, and she a ballerina. They had spent nights wandering around Paris, enjoying the history, the ambiance. They enjoyed each other as fully as they could.

When her father suggested that he join his hospital upon leaving Paris, he had been tempted. he could stay with the woman he loved, have a satisfying career and perhaps a family. He wanted those things, but somehow he wanted to explore more. He wanted to go out where there was so much to learn, to investigate.   
So when graduation came around he declined the offer and said his goodbyes. It was amicable. They had discussed it, and she understood, though he suspected that she felt slightly hurt at not being enough. Especially after three years together.

He suspected that she wasn’t his true love, but there was a part of him that would always look fondly on those days in Paris making love on the balcony with the stars overhead. On watching her perform and feeling as if she was one with the music. On her quiet confidence that he could be everything he set out to be

He had moments of regret but never enough to make him turn back and try and see if she would take him back.

\--- Attempt # 3 ___

Third time was not the charm. In fact he would say it was the worst of the lot. They had been growing apart lately. She adjusting to her new life as a Captain, he adjusting to being alone on the station. But he had still known himself to be in love with her, so he decided to try his hand again at proposing.

Except he never got to it. They were back in the same space for the first time in weeks, and ended up in a fight. More and more he was starting to see Jadzia in her, and frankly it scared him because Jadzia hadn’t loved him. He had loved Jadzia, but she had not loved him. 

Words came from both of them, words he later regretted. Words that were unkind, and quite a bit of them were untrue. The end result was both of them storming away to their own quarters, deciding they had tried enough and it was over.

Except unlike with Palis, he regretted every step he took away from her. He got to the end of the hall and stopped, turned around and rushed back to where they had been arguing only to find she hadn’t turned back at all.

He hadn’t said a word to anyone about what it felt like, those few months after Ezri left him. When he came to terms that the most significant relationship in his forty years of life was over. But he knew some of them knew him too well to be fooled by the smiles and the casual resume to dating that he had tried.

Once, when Miles was over at the station, he had looked Julian and shook his head, petted him on the shoulder and told him it would get better. That was all he said. He hadn’t needed words from Julian to know that it had hurt losing Ezri.

He supposed what hurt the most was losing his friend. Ezri had been his best friend next to Miles, and now they were both gone. Ezri didn’t come see him when she docked for repairs at the station, didn’t join him for a drink or darts or even a laugh at Morn’s stories. She avoided him for quite a while.

But he noticed her. Would be struck still when he glanced up from what he was reading to see her eating lunch with Kira. Or walking through the Promenade by the doors to the infirmary.

It took them over a year to get back to a place where they could smile at each other and mean it.

\-- --

The fourth time he had fallen in love, it had been with Jadzia Dax. It had started out as a boyish crush, but over the first couple of years it had bloomed into a steady love. 

He was never one to begrudge her happiness, so he calmly waited as she fell in love several times with various men and women who could make her happy. ANd he had been overjoyed when she had found love with Worf - though he wished he knew a little less of the details.

But when Quark pointed out that he was losing her for good he had a momentary panic. Was he? Could he say he was in love with Jadzia when he let her go? But he soon realised that his love for her had quietly and without his noticed transformed from eros to philla. Jadzia was a close friend, one he would always keep in his heart, but she wasn’t what he desired anymore, even if his feelings had made a mock return.

\-- Attempt #4 --

It was a different ring. A different girl. And everything was going right. The dinner had gone wonderfully. The holosuite he had rented was perfect - a light night stroll through the botanical gardens rebuilt in Persia. Sarina had been warm, and lovely and filling his soul with joy.

He got to the one section with the calla lilies, and suddenly he realized he couldn’t go through with it. Not that he didn’t love Serena. He did, but he was starting to realise that he had built up his love for her in his mind greater than it really was.

She was beautiful, intelligent and a kind person. She was everything Julian wanted in a woman, and she looked at him like he was quite capable of saving the universe. And perhaps that was what really told him that he shouldn’t go through with it.

Their relationship was based on the fact that he had brought her back into being able to communicate what was going on in her head to the outside world. To not being trapped within her own mind. It wasn’t equal, and quite possibly it never would be.

So he never took the ring out of his pocket, and just continued strolling on. A few weeks later it was Serena who decided to end things. Unlike Palis, there was no lingering regret with either one of them. They had enjoyed themselves, cared deeply for each other, but both knew that there was something that just didn’t fit.

The ring did end up being used, though not by him. Jake Sisko brought home a lovely young woman, someone Kassidy approved of and who got along famously with his half-sister Becca. Julian had offered the ring, and Jake had appreciated the offer and accepted.

\-- --

The fifth time he fell in love, he almost didn’t notice it happening. He was busy grieving Jadzia, trying to be supportive of the grieving Worf, trying to repair bodies torn apart by war. His friendship with Ezri at first had been about retaining that little bit of Jadzia had had left behind.

Except that wasn’t what he fell in love with. He started to fall in love with the things that made her Ezri, not Jadzia. While they were both compassionate, Ezri’s was more upfront. Her nervousness, her fresh look at things that had long made him jaded.

The fact that she both looked at him as if she believed he could save the world, yet at the same time could give him a look that told him that even if he could she’d be there to keep his ego in check was one thing that drew him too her.

She was his best friend. They grew together as friends long before he started to think of anything else. Well, mostly. Ezri was an attractive young woman, and he had appreciated the appearance when the first met. But he hadn’t intended to let his thoughts go any further than appreciating that she was a good looking woman.

First she was Worf’s wife, even if she was in another body. That was when he first realized that he might have different feelings for her then he had anticipated, had even intended. When he heard that they might have rekindled things he had felt jealous, differently than with Jadzia. 

With Jadzia he had been jealous of the lost opportunity. With Ezri he had been jealous plain and simple.

But then when he heard that she might return those feelings he had been nervous and excited at the same time. Excited because for once his feelings were returned, but nervous that like before somehow the levels wouldn’t match up, or Ezri was only feeling something she would later regret. After all, she was joined with a symbiote that hadn’t been expecting a new host. She hadn’t trained. Her emotions, as well as her mixed personality, were in flux.

When it turned out that was the truth, he realised he loved her more then he realised, because it hurt more than any of Jadzia’s rejections had, or leaving Palis.

\- - Attempt # 5-- 

They were arguing again. They had been back together a year now, after several years apart. Their argument had been about Ezri going into danger. He had been scared out of his mind when they had brought her in, unconscious on a stretcher. Girani had pushed him aside, telling him to tend to the others while she dealt with his girlfriend.

He had done his duty, and he had done it well, trying his best to push the thoughts of what might have happened to her out of his head. He had been successful in the first endeavour, but not the second. Thoughts of Ezri popped into his head whenever his mind drifted.

Hours later, when he was exhausted and the injured repaired and either sent home to rest or monitored by the nurses, he had walked towards the bed where Ezri lay sleeping. 

The argument had started because he couldn’t express what he meant. He was trying to explain how frightened he had been, how his heart had figuratively stopped at the thought of her being hurt. But what came out sounded more like he was trying to tell her what to do, which naturally angered her.

But somehow he got to rambling on about the fact that he loved her, and no matter what she did that would mean he would worry and be afraid and want to take care of her. When he noticed that she wasn’t responding, just staring at him with a weird, yet affectionate look in her eyes, he continued trying to fill the silence with words.

“Julian,” she finally said, interrupting his ramble.

“Yes?”

“Marry me, you big lovable idiot.” For a few seconds his mouth moved but nothing came out.

“I’m supposed to ask you,” he finally stated. “I have a ring and everything.”

“I don’t need a ring. I just need you.” He swallowed, then smiled as his mind quieted and things started to piece together. 

“Maybe I should check your temperature...”

“Julian, I’m fine. I will be even more fine if you would simply answer the question.”

“It hardly needs answering.”

“But it would be nice if you would.”

“Well, if I must..” and he leaned in and kissed her, whispering his next words just before his lips touched hers. “yes.”


End file.
